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Schedule Interruption
Wake up at 6:00 AM. Brush teeth. Use toilet. Shower. Get dressed. Go to kitchen. Did the coffee maker start on time? Yes. Pour coffee; fix it to specific tastes, drink. Throw together a quick breakfast; eat. Pour rest of coffee into thermos/coffee cup. Go to work at 8:00 AM. Work until 5:00 PM. Go out for drinks with friends at 7:00 PM. Meet a new person. Get their number. Return home at 11:45 PM. Brush teeth. Bed at 12:04 AM. Wake up at 6:00 AM. Brush teeth. Use toilet. Shower. Get dressed. Go to kitchen. Did the coffee maker start on time? No. Become angry; turn on coffee maker. Wait. Coffee is finished. Realize you are running late. Pour coffee into thermos/mug. Grab snack item. Go to work at 8:10 AM. Get in trouble with boss. Work until 5:00 PM. Go out for drinks with friends at 7:00 PM. Meet a new person. Continuously buy them drinks until you both are highly intoxicated. Invite them to return home with you. Leave at 11:05 PM with person. Arrive home at 11:38. Park in garage. Incite coitus in kitchen. Notice coffee maker; become enraged. Begin to blame the other person for the coffee maker not starting on time. Blinding rage. Grab coffee pot; bash the other person in head with it. Continue until coffee pot breaks. Throw pot to the side and begin using hands. Continue until the other stops breathing. Realization and panic. Stumble around the kitchen until electric carver is located. Drag body into bathroom tub. Plug up carver and remove head and hands. Take hands to kitchen and place them into food disposal, turn on disposal, relax slightly. Return to bathroom and retrieve head. Take head to basement. Locate left over Fourth of July firecrackers and cherry bombs in a box. Place several into mouth of head, tie the wicks together and light; enjoy watching the jaw and teeth blow out. Collect teeth and hide them in basement crawlspace. Pick up head and remains of jaw; return to upstairs bathroom. Go to kitchen and retrieve large trash bags; return to bathroom with them. Finish carving up body and place remains in trash bags. Go to bed at 3:37 PM. Wake up at 6:00 AM. Call in sick to work. Take trash bags from bathroom to garage. Open trunk and place bags inside. Go through house and clean up anything that has dripped from bags. Return to garage, get in car, start car, open garage doors, drive out to closest national forest. Park away from public entrance. Make sure you are alone. Leave car. Retrieve bags. Take bags as far as you feel comfortable into forest; dump them. Leave quickly. Go to store and buy new coffee maker. Return home. Throw out old coffee maker. Burn clothes from previous night in kitchen sink and wash remains down the drain. Set new coffee maker for 7:00 AM. Relax the rest of the day while feeling proud of your new achievement. Bed at 10:00 PM. Wake up at 6:00 AM. Brush teeth. Use toilet. Shower. Get dressed. Go to kitchen. Did the coffee maker start on time? Yes. Category:Dismemberment Category:Items/Objects Category:Mental Illness